Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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