Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
