Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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