mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
