Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
