Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
