she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
