My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
