watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
