they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
