Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
