We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
