I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
