get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
