At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
