forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
