Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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