I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
