he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
