Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
