Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
