u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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