It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
