margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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