he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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