the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
