i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
