oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
