I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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