Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
