one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
