I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
