Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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