It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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