So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she peed on how many people?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize