Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
