Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
