I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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