im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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