I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
