ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
try to milk me bitch
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