What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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