I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sponge bath it is.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
