I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
