I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
