well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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