bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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