Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm at about main and main street
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
