since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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