So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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