Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
