Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
