It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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