is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
