we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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