nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
