We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
