It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You ruined the universe
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
