I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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