I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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