drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
