bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
