The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
