I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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